* In Loving Memory of Jeremy Haywood *

Saying goodnight on a Sunday night
Current mood: sad

Hello Sonshine :* I've been working really hard on your video and website so I can't believe I haven't written to you in 3 days... bad Mahies! Did you make that song play in the Hallmark store yesterday!? Nicki's friend told her all about signs and I swear that your energy is everywhere and you keep sending them. This morning I woke up exactly at 4:20... hmmmmm, in-ter-rest-ting. ;* Man I miss you so much. As I work on these projects and stare and stare at your pictures (as a baby AND adult) I think, no way... he can not be gone from the Earth, it just can't be. I know it's true but I still shake my head. Pappy Vern cries with me every time I cry. It hurts him so much to see me in such pain and all the while, he's hurting too because he loves you and he misses you too. He didn't get to be a Dad to you for very long but I know it made him feel very loved and special that you got along so well. He said just the other day "You gave me a family." I know it saddens him deeply that 1/2 that family is not here anymore. He loves you and Nicki so very much. Gosh, don't we all, eh? You BOTH are so lovable and such wonderful people. The world is such a darker and sadder place without you here Jeremy. Keep sending me signs Sonshine... it makes me less afraid of things and more open to what really *could* be on the other side. I love you Sonshine and miss you bunches and bunches.

Love,
Mom
xoxoxoxo

10:23 PM

Babyboy blue
Current mood: crushed

Hello my precious Sonshine,

Your memorial website is coming along quite nicely.  You would be proud of it and I wish I had started it when you were alive, I am sorry. 

About all the 'blue' at your services, let me explain Sonshine -  Nicki knew your fav color was red (just like your Mahies favorite color, I never knew it had become yours!) but I'm afraid red just wasn't an option for your services, I am so sorry.

Your Dad and I chose "babyboy" blue for your casket because you were and always will be, our babyboy.  Your memorial ribbons were blue also (a very pretty blue) but that was because it was a last minute order and blue was the only color they had.  The writing was silver though, you would have liked that.   I believe you would have forgiven us for the blue but still it broke my heart just a little more to be told "Jeremy didn't like blue"... I mean seriously, did it really matter?  (Figures that the sad face is blue.) 

I am making absolute sure that your website has no blue.  I however, will always and forever be blue.

I love you and miss you Jeremy.

Mom.

xoxoxoxo

3:36 AM

Had a Jer moment meltdown

Hi Sonshine :* I've been working on a project of a video compilation of you and your sis. Wow did I have a meltdown today. Watching and editing the videos of you from babyhood to double digits is very hard but I need to do this. I know many family members will be thrilled with their copy. (My cheapie but heartfelt gifts to them this year.) I miss you Jeremy. My Sonshine. I love you. Goodnight.
Mom
xoxoxo

7:17 PM

Marcie says: "I knew him as an egg!"

Hi Sonshine. Auntie Marcie and Miss Olivia came for a visit today - she said that if she had gotten up and talked at your service she would have said "I knew Babyboy when he was an egg!" ha! Funny Marcie :)
Guess what? Right this very second Poozers is getting her memorial RIP Bear tattoo! I know she'll tell you all about it but I just wanted you to know that it's happening right now! (You probably are watching!)

I love you Sonshine and miss you every second.
Mom

5:04 AM

Nicki’s words to forever treasure
Current mood: Blessed

I'm just writing to tell you I love you so much...
When you are gone I miss your kind touch.
You have a woman's magic like no other.
I am so proud to have you, my Mother.
I can't even imagine my life without you.
You're a hero to the core, wonderful and true.
You've fixed my broken hearts, healed my wounds.
To repay you for all you've done, will take many moons.
Your strong heart and soul has always protected me.
Even if I'm wrong you love me indefinitely.
You've guided my life through its twists and turns.
Let me make my mistakes, and then kiss away the burns.
No matter how old I become I will always need you.


I love you Mahies, I really do. Sent: Mon 10/29/2007 3:35 PM 

2:37 AM

Jeremy’s words - forever will I treasure

From: jeremy haywood [mailto:wako227@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 23, 2003 12:04 PM

my mom, i love her very much

2:26 AM

If Tears Could Build a Stairway
Current mood: melancholy

From the "In Loving Memory" ornament that will hang on all our future trees:



If Tears Could Build a Stairway



If tears could be a stairway

and memories a lane.


I would walk right up to Heaven


and bring you back again.


No farewell words were spoken


No time to say "Goodbye."


You were gone before I knew it,


and only God knows why.


My heart still aches from the sadness


and secret tears flow.


What it meant to love you 


no one can ever know.


But now I know you want me 


to mourn for you no more.


To remember all the happy times


life still has much in store.


Since you'll never be forgotten


I pledge to you today.


A hollowed place within my heart


is where you'll always stay.



I love you Jer.


Mom


xoxoxo

12:07 AM 

Jeremy’s beautiful spirit - thank you Ebonni
Current mood: Angelic

"From Jeremy" Nov. 6, 2007
Written by: EbonniBLACK


I woke up this morning and wanted to say
I feel so alive and free from my pain
I have no more worries, I have no more fears
And everyone here is just as sincere
We laugh and we joke til it's time to lie down
For tomorrow is actually promised in this town

Though I still kind of wonder how all of you feel
I know that my passing is very unreal
But if it's any comfort, I want you to know
I have a new home and a motorcycle
I ride with the angels who look just like me
so loving, so cool, that's me - Jeremy.

Mom if you hear me I'm blowing you kisses
and Nicki I'm granting your holiday wishes.
Dad I salute you, thanks for your love
If you close your eyes, you'll feel my "bear hug."
Sarah and your girls you completed my world
My diamonds. my stars, my jewels and my pearls

I didn't realize my time was so close
I would have made sure we had our last toast
But God had just told me that had I stayed
I would have missed my spot in the shade
So he quickly called on me so that I could see
what it's like to be an angel, I'm home, I'm free.

Thanks for the memories that all of you made
Be nice to each other, I'll see you again.

Love,
Jeremy R. Haywood's spirit.

11:38 PM

No Celebration
Current mood: Incomplete

Hey Sonshine! Your dad told your sis yesterday that no way will he celebrate xmas without you so he's going to Dland... and I thought, holey moley what a brilliant idea. I don't want to "celebrate" either and what better thing to do than leave town? I stole your dad's idea (he said it was actually Beth's idea!) and PappyVern, Nicki, Mike and I are all going to DLand on 12/25. No celebration of Christmas without you, not this year. Oh and you know, just maybe in your honor, we'll grab a bite to eat at "Goofy's Kitchen!" Man you ate a lot that trip! 25$ worth and then some. Nicki told that story just recently to a group of our loved ones and oh my goodness, how we laughed at the memory of you trying to get our $75.00 worth of food eaten in a short time. You were so damn cute and funny! Don't forget that you will *always* be a part of DLand because your picture with Rafiki is on the collage hanging in Main Street. I love you Jer, always and forever. :)

I miss you,
Mom
xoxoxox

1:58 PM

Oh how you loved to keep journals

Sonshine, I found out yesterday that Lois (Caren's Mom) kept a journal when Caren died. Her description of what she wrote to Caren was very similar to what we do here - write to you and tell you how much we love and miss you. It's nice that people can come here and share their memories of you and share happy stories. All that makes people feel better and that may very well be a big part of the (LONG) healing process. I love reading what your friends say about you - they obviously admire and love you very much. I say again, I am one proud Mom. Thank you Jeremy. Sleep well Sonshine. I love you.
Mom.
xoxox

11:26 PM

1 month :(

1 month today Sonshine. I miss you more each day. Would you believe that Poozers and I had dinner with Fana tonight!? She told us the great story of you two racing down the street on bikes and then she took a nasty fall and broke her arm. She said you were so worried and your eyes were tearing up and just trying to take care of her... you were only in 4th grade! That was you Jer - full of heart.

Good night Sonshine. I love you.
Mom

9:36 PM

December
Current mood: sad

It's now December my precious Sonshine. I hope you're humming our favorite Raffi Christmas Carols wherever you are. How you loved to say "Watch this" to your friends and then you would hum a song and in a matter of minutes (usually seconds!) your ole Mom would be singing that song... you and your friends got such a kick out of that. I didn't even realize what was happening... what a joy you were to raise and love. You brought a lot more smiles to my face than you did tears, thank you Son. I miss you like mad.

I love you,
Mom.
xoxoxox

7:29 PM

Lunch with Chuck
Current mood: sad

Good evening Sonshine :* I had lunch with Chuck today. He is such a comforting presence and just one helluva great guy. He offered to have lunch with me once a week just like you and I tried to do... isn't that the sweetest thing? I thought that was a bit much for him to do for me so we'll try for once a month. :) I love you Jer. I really really miss you.
Mom

8:58 PM

Broken rules
Current mood: sad

Hey Son :* I'm missing you something terrible. The world as I knew it is all wrong and out of order now. I can't stress enough on how I am so puzzled and confused on why I am here and you are not. Mom's go first. I think I told you that rule time and time again... why did you break *that* rule of all rules? I am not much help to anyone else because my pain of your death is too deep. I hope that someday I will be the person I was or at least a partial part of that person. For now, I will take care of myself as your friend Lynn told me to do. She wrote me a beautiful letter today. You had so many admirers Jeremy, so many people loved your spirit and smile. But most of all, your Mom.
You always said words are powerful so I hope my words are powerful enough to reach you wherever you may be.
I love you.
Mom

11:32 AM

Good morning
Current mood: sad

G'morning Sonshine. I think I'd make a deal with the devil to get your life back. Your death has caused so much pain and heartbreak in so many wonderful and caring people - I would give the devil my soul and anything else, just to put you back on this Earth. My pain of missing you is just so debilitating. A lady I talked to yesterday said this is like being hit with lightening - my body has taken an electrical jolt that is so powerful I'll never feel right again. I think what she said was brilliant and right on the money.
I love you Jeremy.
Mom
xoxoxoxoo

9:29 AM